Gone
by polkadot-scalpels
Summary: Meredith's interactions with certain people after Lexie's death.First person. RIP Lexie Grey!


A/N: Hello everybody. First off, I want to start off by saying we lost such a beautiful character last night (who only had 6 freakin minutes of screen time!)! She will be sadly missed. For all of those that were hardcore Slexie shippers, I'm sorry! I know it sucks; trust me, I am one and will always remain one! I will continue to write happy fics about Lexie as if she were still alive (maybe a few sad ones about people dealing with her death but those will be few and far in between). I really hate Shonda Rhimes and it wasn't right! Feel free to message me if you need to get any feelings out. This is a one-shot about Meredith and her interactions with certain people after Lexie's death.

* * *

Gone. She's gone. Dead. Deceased. Departed. There are a million ways to say it. My sister, Lexie Grey is dead. I don't even know how I'm still functioning at this point because I can't think of anything but her. She is—_was_ kind, funny, smart, one of the few gifted surgeons I've had the privilege of knowing and she's gone. I feel like a shitty sister; if only we had spent more time together, if only I had accepted her earlier, if only I would've told her that I loved her more. It's no secret that we didn't start off on the best of terms but I like to think we ended that way—like real sisters. Mark told me that before she took her last breathe, t she wanted me to know that she loved me and I was a good sister. I miss her so much. Ever since she died, I haven't been okay. I feel myself regressing to my "dark and twisty" days as an intern. We were rescued from the woods, twenty-four hours after we crashed. Some hikers stumbled upon us and they called for help and we were taken to the nearest hospital and treated for our injuries. We had finally gotten in touch with Owen and told him everything that happened. five days later, Derek, Cristina and I were back to Seattle via train. I don't think any of us wanted to get back on a plane anytime soon. Mark needed to stay longer and Arizona stayed with him, thus ensuing Callie to drive to drive to the small city in Oregon. I watched the trees pass by in a blur and thought how ironic it was that I was just stranded there less than a week ago. I'm shaken from my thoughts as Derek places his hand over mine. I looked up at him and he must know what I'm thinking.

"You okay?" He asked me quietly.

"No," I whispered brokenly. "She's gone."

"I know." Derek said grimly.

"Why her? She was so young and full of promise—"

"One of the best and brightest I've ever known; she would've been an amazing neurosurgeon." Derek said as he begins thinking about all of the cases he and Lexie worked on together.

"She didn't even get to finish her residency," My voice began to quiver. "Or get married and have kids." I was openly sobbing at this point and as I fell into Derek's arms, he just held me and let me cry. I looked up surprised after a few moments of feeling wet droplets fall onto my hair. Derek was crying too.

"She…she was a great sister." He choked out.

"Yeah. She was," I gave him a watery smile and then it dawned on me. "I…I have to tell Thatcher."I said as a cringed inwardly. The last time I informed Thatcher of someone's death, it hadn't gone so well. What if this time would be no different?

"I don't think you should—" Derek began to say but was cut off by my protests.

"I…I have to. He shouldn't hear it from someone else." I said sadly.

"If you're sure," Derek said skeptically. "But I'm coming with you."

"No," I said strongly. "I've got to do this on my own."

* * *

A few days after we got back, I finally worked up the courage to go to Thatcher's house. I took my time driving to his house. I parked my car on the street and looked at the house thoughtfully. The house where Lexie grew up and had happy memories. I took a deep breath as I willed myself to get out of the car and go up to the front door. I timidly rang the doorbell and tried to keep it together but I felt that soon I would be running my hand through my hand and crying my eyes out. A few seconds later, the door opened and Thatcher greeted her, surprised at my visit.

"Meredith! To what do I owe the pleasure?"He said cheerfully. I looked at him and blinked several times, opening and closing my mouth several times.

"Meredith?" He called my name in a confused manner.

"Lexie's….Lexie's dead." I said I croaked before a fresh wave of tears started flowing down my cheeks and I began to sob loudly.

"Wha…What?"

"We…we were in a plane crash," I hiccupped as tears ran unchecked down my face. "And a large portion of the…" I paused as I began choking on my sobs. "the plan was on top of her and…" I trailed off. I couldn't even finish because next thing I knew, I had fell to my knees on my estranged father's front porch and was sobbing while I screamed out Lexie's name repeatedly and then something else happened; it wasn't the rage or slap of my father's hand, he kneeled down with me and he embraced me. He felt so warm and fuzzy; I felt so safe and protected in his arms at that moment.

"Shhh," He soothed. "It's okay. We'll get through this together." I could tell that he too was now sobbing. First his wife and now his daughter. I pulled back from his hug to look at him, our tear-stained faces mirroring each others.

"Together?" I hiccupped.

"Together," He nodded. "Lexie would've wanted it that way." He said sorrowfully.

"Okay." I said quietly.

"Would you like to come inside and we can…talk?" He offered.

"Okay." I said before he helped me up and we entered the house.

* * *

Her funeral was a disaster, emotionally speaking. The one person who I expected to show up drunk was surprisingly sober. Thathcer was not drunk for Lexie's funeral but that didn't mean that he wouldn't fall off the wagon. Mark on the other hand was a completely different story. When the casket was about to be lowered, Mark threw himself on top of it and began bawling. It was so heart wrenching as his cries rang out through the cemetery. I could smell the scotch rolling off of him and I'm sure everyone else could too. It took Derek, Owen, Jackson, and Alex to pry him from the coffin and lead him elsewhere. I watched as her coffin was lowered in the ground and as people began to disperse, I saw that Thatcher stood a few feet away with Molly's hand in his. They were placing flowers on Susan's grave. I cautiously walked over to the pair and looked at Thatcher.

"Is it okay if I…" I trailed off as I turned my head to Susan's gravestone.

"Of course." Molly answered softly. I gently placed the flower on the grave and rubbed it.

"Look after her up there Susan." I said quietly.

"I'll be in the family car, girls." Thatcher said sadly before walking away, leaving the two remaining Grey sisters alone.

"I…Thank you." Molly said suddenly as her brown eyes found mine.

"For what?"

"For accepting her as your sister," Molly said as she looked down. "And I hope that one day you'll be able to accept me as one too."

"I loved…**love **her so much," I told Molly. "I can't believe she's gone."

"Me neither," Molly sighed as her eyes became watery. "I don't know what I'm going to do without my big sister. She's always been there for me." Molly said as he shoulders began to shake and she placed her head in her hands. I didn't know if this was the right time but I felt like it was the right thing. I enveloped Molly in a hug and let her cry on my shoulder.

"You always have me…if you want me for a big sister." I said softly. Molly pulled back and she looked at me surprised.

"I'd like that." She said as we continued to stand there, looking at each other and looking back at Susan's grave and then finally at Lexie's freshly dug grave.

* * *

"How's Mark?" I whispered to Derek. We were back at our house where the repast was being held.

"He's not doing so well," Derek admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck. "He's in Lexie's room and he refuses to leave."

"Oh," I said solemnly. "Should I try to—"

"You can try but I've tried, Jackson's tried, Callie and Arizona have tried but he still refuses to leave." Derek informed me. I found myself pushing past all of the people and making my way upstairs, to Lexie's room or old room I should say. I saw Callie and Jackson in front of the door, begging and pleading him to come out. I stepped forward towards the door but Callie's voice stopped me.

"It's no use Grey," Callie sighed. "He isn't coming out."

"I know that," I told her. "I don't want him to come out. I just want to go in with him." I said to them and then turn my head back to Mark. "Mark, its Meredith. Can I come in?" I ask softly.

"Whatta you…want?" I heard his slur of words through the door.

"To talk." I tell him.

"I don't feel like talkin that much."

"I haven't been in here since…I need to come in there Mark." I waited for a few second before I heard the lock unclick and I hesitantly push the door open and what I saw was heartbreaking. Mark was sitting on Lexie's bed, staring out the window blankly. His left hand was clutching her Harvard t-shirt and the other hand held a bottle of tequila. I shut the door behind me and locked it before heading over to Lexie's bed and sitting down beside Mark.

"Tequilla? Thought you were more of a scotch man." I tell him.

"Yeah well…it's what she drank and today is the perfect day to start drinking it."

"Can I have some?" I question.

"Knock yourself out." He grumbled before he shoved it roughly in my hand. I quickly took a swig and felt the burn as it went down my throat. I took a look around the room and it smelled…like her.

"It smells like her." I said quietly.

"It does," He said shortly before snatching the bottle from my hand to take a long drink out of it. "Why aren't you trying to get me to leave like everyone else?" He asked me suddenly.

"Because I want to be in here too," I told him truthfully. "Why did you come up here?"

"I miss her. We had a lot of great memories in this room." He said as he looked at me intensely.

"I know Mark," I shake my head. "I miss her too."

"I loved her." He said numbly.

"I loved her too."

"What do we do without her?" He asked me as I saw the silent tears that started to fall from his eyes.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I'm still trying to figure that out."

"All the time we wasted." Mark said as his voice began to crack and sobs began to rack through his body.

"I feel the same way…all the time I spent trying to hate her...we could've been close then."

"Why? Meredith why? Just help me understand why she's gone!" He shouted angrily before throwing the tequila bottle down on the ground, causing me to jump.

"I don't know why Mark but we'll get through this, okay?" I told him. "We'll get through this."

"She was everything! She was smart and beautiful…perfect and she's dead!" Mark sobbed. Meredith hadn't cried all day but she began to as she watched Mark break down in front of her. She hugged him and she felt him hug her back; they both sat there crying their eyes and hearts out, not caring about all the people downstairs or Callie and Jackson at the door. All they cared about was Lexie and how her death had caused such a gaping hole in their lives.

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Will you lie with me_

_And just forget the world?_

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